I am in the midst of a small to possibly major anxiety freakout meltdown. Triggers I can identify are physical fitness, laws, and money. No more rock climbing, no more martial arts, not enough gym time. Some of them are even combined issues - getting out of my golds gym membership and not having the money to pay for it. Feeling trapped. It seems to even be in the nature of the situations I put myself in. I worry so much about being broke or not. Losing it all, but I then put myself in a job where I never know exactly how much money that I'm even going to make. This whole mess of the license and car and DUI is all coming to a head and turning out to be a bigger mess than it was when it started. I catch myself being quiet lost in my mind and all the facets of whats going on. I never usually have these sorts of anxiety issues but when they do come on, they come on strong. They make me want to leave it all behind and simplify the life that I lead. A nice treehouse in the jungle away from everyone where the difference between life and death is entirely based on my own ingenuity. Then the money issue pops back into my head, where do I get my passport for that, or learn the languages or this or that or the other. It never ends.
The only way I see to sort this out is to take control and take each day 1 at a time. Start tomorrow with a long bike ride, early. Get some food, clean up the house and put all that laundry away. Call the monitech place and figure out how to handle my jeep. Make these plans for the move or not and put some money away. The bike spendings gotta get put on hold. Priorities equal rent, credit card and finishing off with this situation for my license and car.
Oh well such is life. The moments passed.
